I was so excited that I was going to have another baby girl to love and that Natalie would have a sister to grow up with. Natalie was so aware of what was going on with me, Laurel taught Natalie about how she grew in mommy's tummy too. I am so grateful to her for that.
We are managing day to day and it is getting easier to have happy feelings about her than just sad all the time. I am looking forward to a second chance. What I learned most from this whole life experience is that I want another baby. I haven't been the type that says how much she loves being pregnant. I am usually somewhere on the opposite side of the spectrum. Hating how my face is broken out and my boobs have their own gravitational pull. I was excited that I would be done having babies by 30. Now all of that is out of the window, I can actually say that I am looking forward to being pregnant again! Maybe that is what I am supposed to learn from this whole experience. I love being a mom, maybe I can learn to love being pregnant if God blesses me with another chance.
Remembering
Go ahead and mention my child.
The one that died you know.
Don’t worry about hurting me further.
The depth of my pain doesn’t show.
Don’t worry about making me cry.
I’m already crying inside.
Help me to heal by releasing,
The tears that I try to hide.
I’m hurt when you just keep silent,
Pretending she didn’t exist.
I’d rather you mention my child,
Knowing that she will be missed.
You asked me how I was doing.
I say “pretty good” or “fine”.
But healing is something ongoing.
I feel it will take a life time.
Author unknown
4 comments:
Sara, what a beautiful post about Laurel. I am amazed by your strength. I loved the poem that you posted about remembering your child. Please know that you, Ken and Natalie are loved and in our prayers.
I love your blog! Lots of fun!
I want to stop by sometime and see the awning :-)
We miss seeing you guys every week at gymnastics. Hope we can get the girls together sometime soon.
Take care!
Kim and family
Sara, what a touching post about Laurel! I know God will bless you again with another chance. You are one of the most amazing mothers I know and He doesn't put us through something without bringing us to the other side. You're always in my thoughts and prayers. Love you!
Sara,
Wow what a great blog. You are such a wonderful writer and designer. It is amazing!
Your blog on Laurel is beautiful! We think about you guys every day! Here is a poem that I found that I wanted to share with you:)
Mommy and Daddy don't cry for me.
To walk the earth was not meant to be.
I'm in God's house you see.
I watch over you every day.
I know that you love me in a very special way.
You wanted me to be healthy and whole.
So you had to let me go.
You will get to see me every day.
As you look at the children who past your way.
I may be the little boy with the dimple in his chin.
Or the little girl with the golden curl.
You will know what you did is right because
When you look in the sky on a clear star filled night,
I will be the star that is shining so bright.
I love you Mommy and Daddy, good night.
~Author Unknown
Anne
Sara, you have a gift ... incredible job of putting your thoughts, feelings and emotions into a few great words ~ and then you shared them with us! I'm so sad to not have met Laurel, but glad you've introduced her to us through your post :)
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